dreaminghour: katie mcgrath with eyes downcast and lips slight parted, hair back, greyscale (Default)
As of an hour or so ago, my gift to Firondoeil for the QuiObi Secret Santa was revealed: "Darling, the sun will wait." It's angst with a happy ending, rated T and about 6,400 words long. Brief summary is: Obi-Wan has fallen into a healing trance he won't come out of and Qui-Gon stays by his side for Life Day. When I asked KeeperoftheCottage to look at it, she noted that after they kiss the first time Obi-Wan pulls away from Qui-Gon and his distance slows the story down. I decided the easiest way to fix that was to remove Vokara Che. I really liked how I wrote her though, so have her in a 'deleted scene' which is more of an edited scene.
 
Qui-Gon choked on his laughter, turning away just as the door whisked open and Healer Che came in. Her eyes went wide to see Obi-Wan sitting up in bed, but she seemed greatly pleased. If she noticed their hands clasped in Qui-Gon's lap, she didn't remark on it or even let her eyes linger.

"I'm glad to see you're awake." She smiled as she consulted the monitor standing beside them. "Hmm. Your levels are looking much better as well." She briefly laid a hand on Obi-Wan's head and closed her eyes. Around them, Qui-Gon could feel the Force rippling as Che examined Obi-Wan. "You've completely shaken the trance as well. Hmm." She did frown a little bit then and as Qui-Gon tried to slip away, Obi-Wan's grip tightened. "Why did you fall into the healing trance? Unless you're put in one, they should only occur in times of dire necessity."

"I needed the rest," said Obi-Wan sincerely. "And then… It wasn't as though I wasn't aware of your attempts to rouse me, per se. I just wasn't quite ready, I think. I'm not sure."

"What changed?" she asked, somehow clinical but still soft, curious.

"I think I just needed a nudge from the right person," Obi-Wan said, his voice softening in kind.

"Mm." Che's hum sounded more final now. "I suppose you'll want to get to the festivities. You'll need to be careful however, you haven't had solid food for several days now. You should avoid recreational substances for at least twenty-four hours."

Obi-Wan laughed. "I can do that."

Finally, Che turned her eyes on Qui-Gon. "You'll make sure he does as told, won't you?" She clicked her tongue. "What am I saying, who am I speaking to? I might as well tickle a tooka and hope to keep your hand." She huffed and rolled her eyes before patting Obi-Wan on the shoulder. "Take care of yourself, Knight Kenobi. Your friends won't always be there to lift you back up." And she left.

Qui-Gon was still half smiling as the door fell shut again, but saw the contemplative look on Obi-Wan's face as he pulled his hands away at last.

"A nudge from the right person, hmm?" Qui-Gon leaned in again, but Obi-Wan closed his eyes and sighed.

"I just didn't have a good reason to wake up."

"Obi-Wan…"

"I need to change, but don't let me keep you," said Obi-Wan.
 
Unlike in the final story, Obi-Wan seems to reflect on their mutual confession when Che comes in and not trust it. I tend to write things like this a lot, Obi-Wan pulling back after a confession, being insecure, but this occurred because I was blindly following my intuition, which turned out not to be a good thing. I like the end result much more, and if you like it as well, you can thank Keeper for talking it through with me. You might also recognize some of lines as being repurposed elsewhere.

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dreaminghour: katie mcgrath with eyes downcast and lips slight parted, hair back, greyscale (Default)
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January 2023

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